Rachel Jenae

My Two Cents at 29

Last Sunday I celebrated 29 years of life!  Usually at some point around my birthday there’s a quiet span of time where I try to just be still.  I try to remember what it was like when I was little and what I dreamt of then.  I try to recall my favorite birthdays growing up and all of the great memories they hold.  Then, at some point, I start thinking of the future. Where I hope to be in another year.  What I hope for, dream for, imagine…and I try to think as big and crazy as possible…but then I realize it’s not that big and I set out to try again.

I’ve realized something this past year and a statement someone told me recently, but the older you get, the harder it is to dream.  You’ve seen what life does to your hopes and dreams and it’s easier on your heart if you just go with the flow.  Life rarely turns out as you hope it would and killing expectation seems to make life much easier.  So you just determine in your heart to just go and do whatever God lays in front of you. No questions, just obedience. Only one problem, God didn’t make you to be a robot, but to be a friend and  He made us in His image-full of imagination, creativity and dreams- to dream with Him, to share His dreams!  No, life probably will never turn out how you hoped or imagined… but Ephesians 3:20 promises this… IT WILL BE BETTER!  The struggle begins when we have to give up what we see it looking like and surrender that very idea, while all along running after it.

It doesn’t really make sense and it’s really only my theory.  The struggle of powers within us to run whole-heartedly, living from the heart and all the while putting it on the altar, knowing it could change at any moment… the KEY… the only way I believe this is even remotely possible…BELIEVE!   Though thieves come to steal, though death comes knocking, though disease comes to torment, though fear and doubt rage within our mind, though people disappoint, though life seems unfair and all that you hoped and dreamed seem absolutely impossible, choose to BELIEVE!  Believe God’s heart is good!  Believe He will work it all out for your good as you follow Him.  Believe that His plans are better than you could ever ask, think or imagine!  Believe!

I say it’s just a theory, but it works in my life and this past year proved more true than any other time in my life!  Gods ways rarely ever look like what we think they should and though our heart be good and desire His ways, our flesh cries out in rebellion when it doesn’t look the way we think it is suppose to.  But if we choose to just follow Him and believe He knows best, I can guarantee that it will always turn out better than your way ever could have!

That brings me to my second “2 cents”-of-a-theory at my young age of 29.  This theory is completely biblical and I’ve always believed it, but never quite practiced it to the degree of belief.  GRATEFULNESS!  It started with believing, trusting, obeying and then just thanking God for the little things.  Thanking Him for courage.  Thanking Him for faith.  Thanking Him for friendships that I didn’t deserve.  Thanking Him for my incredible family.  Then it began.  This snowball effect.  With every word of gratefulness, even out of just knowing I should be grateful and not feeling it yet, something shifted inside of me.  And the more I thanked Him the more I genuinely couldn’t believe how much He was giving me.  And it was like the more I couldn’t believe it, the more He poured out on me.  I could never out-thank Him!  And the more He poured out, the more I realized He knew my heart and I was learning His.  And there, amidst learning was a new joy. One that has satisfied my heart more than I thought it could be.

So that’s it.  Those 2 cents of revelation that have changed my life more than anything else up to this age.  Fighting to live from the heart and always trying to out-thank Him!  I hope to master the art of living them both out for the rest of my life!   

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