Rachel Jenae

Even if He Doesn’t

There will always be seasons of life. Life will rarely, if ever, turn out the way you imagined it would. But God’s dreams inside you are still real, alive and like a compass pointing to his unique call on your life. Hints of His heart and what He longs to do in and through you. Hints of the adventure ahead. But we see in a mirror dimly, so we must hold it all loosely. 

Processing the different seasons of life is where most of us get caught up. They often don’t make sense or line up with the dreams in our heart or the passions that move us. Passionless jobs, deaths, sickness, disappointment… they jolt us from reality to try and figure out the reasoning. The why and what God could want to use this for. We try to imagine from His viewpoint what and how He could use this for good. What is He doing??? Often times hard to believe the other side of this mountain could be good, much less better. We hear the same whispers that must have plagued the Israelites, “Go back! Go back to Egypt!” 

After recently losing Lindy in October, that jolt came in the form of frustration. I wasn’t doing enough. I wasn’t speaking loud enough. I wasn’t being bold enough. The Jesus in me, shining out, was not enough to convince her that His love was enough. What do you do with that? I seemed unable to persuade her of His incredible love over seven years. I could understand that it was her choice, but I couldn’t understand her choice. Why couldn’t God convince her that the other side of the mountain would be better and that what she dared to dream of at vulnerable times, was God’s truth hinting and trying to pull her out of Egypt and into goodness.

I wrestled with so many random thoughts. Why was the Jesus I tried to show Lindy not enough? Was it Jesus, was it me, or was it just a lost reflection somewhere in the shining. I wanted no repeat of this, so I determined to figure out where the kink in the line was. Why could we not break through? She made the only decision that made sense to her. She chose a way out. But Jesus, You’re more than enough, so why couldn’t You be more than enough for her? These were the thoughts circling. 

I wrote all of this several weeks ago, but didn’t know where it was going. A passage of scripture had been on my heart from Daniel 3 about Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego and being thrown into the fire, and then this morning I received an email from a friend asking for prayer for another friend and a very hard family battle with cancer. He used a line from the movie Facing the Giants, 

“If we win, we praise Him, and if we lose, we praise Him.” 

As I read it I was reminded of the verse in Daniel, and then my friend’s email went on to quote the exact verse I’d been thinking about. It’s the three men who are about to be thrown into the fire and their response to the King. Daniel 3:17-18,

“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. 18 But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

My friend’s friend went on to say this…”We are all so confident in the Love that God has for each of us, and so we are believing in faith that God can and will heal him, but we trust even more in His INCREDIBLE and PERFECT plan, and will praise Him at ALL times.”

When we understand everything, praise. When we can’t make sense of anything, praise. Because the truth is, we are confident in ONE thing, the Love that God has for each of us! God loved Lindy more than I ever would or could and He knows your situation intimately and deeply and in ALL things has your best interest in mind. He’s working to make a beautiful masterpiece we will one day get to see, but until then, choose to burn over bowing to doubt and unbelief. Stay close to His heart and trust His unwavering goodness.