Rachel Jenae

truth be told…

It’s quite the mystery sometimes when I try to sort out my issues myself. I guess it’s simply because it was never meant to be that way. You see, I never realize my independent nature quite so much until I come face to face with this reality…how much I’ve become ok with doing things on my own and somehow thinking in my ‘figuring’ that I will really get anywhere without His wisdom and revelation.


I’m sure it has to be quite irritating for God at times when He watches from Heaven above, seeing the complete picture and a heavenly perspective that I cannot even begin to grasp. That is if God even gets irritated, which I doubt He does, because that would imply that He didn’t have it all in control and know everything. I think He more or less chuckles at our childlike stinginess with our own lives, that He gave us and continues to give us every day, or He simply says ‘ok, you want it you got it, this should be interesting to watch’. Then in His loving kindness, as every father does, allows us to take steps on our own and probably just tries to ducktape all the corners and edges that we would in our clumsiness bump into… letting us ‘spread our wings to fly’, only to realize we really want to stay under the shadow of His wings!

I wonder how often I don’t even realize when I’m pushing Him away. Through the things He tries to give me. Through the people He tries to place in my life. Through the simple guidance He tries to give and I don’t even see it because I don’t even know how accustomed I have become to doing things on my own. But just there… in that unknowing refusal I think about how much I must be missing out on! Like the adopted child, the bible says we are, that has no concept that the pantry is full, the king’s palace full of plenty, the father’s arms always open and wanting to share in our lives… we don’t even know what we’re missing.


If you’ve never read the book ‘The Ragamuffin Gospel’ by Brennan Manning, it’s a great book on how we are all ragamuffins and needy people. It will mess you up on your well-put-together theology! And it will remind you, or let you know for the first time, how completely needy you really are.